


Errant Hearts

by Inkfire



Category: Doctor Who (1963)
Genre: Character Insight, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-17
Updated: 2014-01-17
Packaged: 2018-01-09 02:02:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1140132
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Inkfire/pseuds/Inkfire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"He misses Susan sometimes." Nearing the end and the beginning of his journey, the First Doctor ponders companionship and belonging.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Errant Hearts

**Author's Note:**

> Just a little One piece, more or less linked to my Two!regeneration!fic _Old Soul Written New_ as far as themes are concerned, but very much stand-alone. Enjoy!

He misses Susan sometimes. 

It is not often at the forefront of his brain. His mind is wide and always busy, and there is many another thing to think about, especially when one takes into account his ship’s tendency to land straight at the middle of trouble. And he did not end up alone, after all… No, he did not. Human beings come and go; he did not expect the departures of Chesterton and Barbara, nor Vicki’s—but there is always someone new, stumbling aboard when he least expects it. There is always a young girl, eager and starry-eyed, and the word "child" tumbles from his lips all too easily.

Still. He makes his way from one place to the next at random, without a reason to ever stop, now; he flies the TARDIS alone, and remembers his granddaughter. He is careful to keep the thought of her fleeting, as the concern of the rest of his family; he is long used to the art of avoiding that pain. A superior and impressively roomy brain are of valuable help in that regard, once more. But Susan was his first companion in travels, at his side from the very start, when he ran away—no, when _they_ ran away. Dwelling on her memory is bittersweet. There is a part of pride, pride for her and the woman she will have become, pride that he gave her this chance, to build a home with a man who would love her. It also aches, dully and consistently. She was the only one, really, who understood.

But he could not cling to her for that reason, nor pretend that it meant her needs would be the same as his.

Oh, he is an old man now, so feeble and so light at times… His ship anchors him, and the voices of the young accompanying him on his travels. He knows, if vaguely, what is going to happen to him in the end, and Susan would also have known; perhaps she would have looked at him, and understood, without his even needing to speak the words. _Regeneration_ : it is an intimidating concept and he subconsciously shies away from it. Old man, he will eventually be reborn as new. Better things to think about, for now.

When the time comes, the rumbling of his ship fills his head and he imagines Susan’s hand over his, cool and holding tight.

Then the notion escapes as all things do, and he slips away into the restful blackness.


End file.
